Forgive me for rambling today. I'll get around to the point sooner or later.
I don't remember losing friends to drinking and driving when I was a teenager. I've racked my brains trying to remember something like that happening to anyone I knew.
I had a few friends in wrecks during the day... one was trying to swat a bee, the other not paying attention on her way home from a football game. Both kids were hurt, but they survived. And their wrecks were due to inexperienced drivers, not "I'm bullet proof" behavior.
Lately, our family and the families we know have lost more teenagers to drinking and driving than I remember losing in the whole rest of my life. Some of the teens killed were drinking themselves, and others struck by a drunk... all lost their lives. And it hurts my heart and soul.
The latest casualty is particularly troubling for me. The teen was not only one of my oldest daughter's friends (since kindergarten), but she was one of my former students. She wasn't the one driving, but she WAS drinking right along with them. It was a one vehicle accident. They were being pursued by a police officer for suspicious behavior. They fled at speeds over 70mph (in a 30mph zone). The car went airborne TWICE through an intersection and hit two trees in the median just 2 blocks from the house we used to live in. The car burst into flames. All three teens lost their lives. ...There was a keg of beer in the back seat. Hmmm.
Crap! How do you explain to your teenager (who, by the way, doesn't even have her driving permit yet), that sometimes good people make poor choices... and that while you don't want your kids to live their lives scared, that they HAVE to think about the consequences of every action.
My husband and I have been accused of being "too involved" in our children's lives. We don't give them enough freedom... we monitor their friends... we show up unexpectedly to "check out the crowd"... we don't let them ride home with just anybody (even from school)... HELICOPTER parents is the term for people like us. We "hover".
Well, you know what? It bothered me for awhile, but the people that matter most (my family and most especially my kids), are glad that we are the way we are. Can you believe it? Our girls are happy that we keep them walking the straight and narrow. They are glad that we take their cell phones at 9:30pm and don't give them back until the morning. They are glad that we ask lots of questions... sometimes they get frustrated with us, but then something like this happens and they hug us and tell us they are glad that we are so aware of what decisions they are making.
By the way, my daughter's friend? She's only 15 (might have just turned 16). And her mom? She was in Europe when her daughter was killed. My daughter's friend was allowed to stay home by herself... for days. No adult supervision. None. I'm sorry, but I have a hard time with that. Last time I checked, you're not an adult until 18... and still don't get all your rights until 21. Where are the parents?
1 comment:
Oh, if I had a dime for every time we've had that same conversation in our home. We too, are "helicopter" parents (haven't heard that one before!)and you know what - I don't think you can be TOO involved in your kids lives, any more then you can love your children too much, or spoil them by hugging them too often.
I dread the day when my girls are old enough to drive, and have to make the decision about whether or not to drink. The best chance we have of helping them make the right choice is to get involved and stay involved.
Stay involved and keep hovering!
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